Change

As the last semester of freshman year nears the end, I am overcome with an uncomfortable-ness as I think about all of the things that will change over the summer. Right now, I live in a dorm with almost everyone I consider a close friend. I am merely a hop, skip, and a jump from Abby and Kat if I want to hang out or get an opinion on an outfit or watch Netflix or nap in their beds. I love my roommate Charlotte to pieces. I just have to walk down three flights of stairs if I want homework help from my super smart friends.

This feeling is not something I remember experiencing during my transition from high school to college. Even though I moved 5 hours away, I was excited for the upcoming year and the changes that would be occurring in my life. I am a crier, and I did not cry on graduation night or move in day or the first day of classes. Instead, I remember being super freaking excited about the things to come in my life. I don’t remember thinking about how much I would miss the friends I would be hours away from (even though I miss some people every single day), but being super pumped about meeting new people.

Right now, all I can worry about is the way that my life will change from now to next semester. Abby and Kat will be off campus, some days not even coming to campus at all. I will have more responsibility during marching band as a member of TBS. It’s not guaranteed if I will see Charlotte or our guy friends on the 6th floor. I will no longer run into the cute boys who live in Hotz or the guy who still calls me Squidward because I play the clarinet. The late night chats I have with Charlotte updating her on my life and everything I did that day will no longer be an almost nightly occurrence. I won’t get as much exercise because I will be living closer to the center of campus. I am already drifting apart from the friends I made at the beginning of the year and I don’t like the thought of not being friends with them at all when this year comes again. There is no way to make sure that I will be able to keep in touch with everyone I have met and love so much and that makes me so so sad.

This is not to say that I am not excited for next year. I will be rooming with a childhood friend who I haven’t seen more than once a year since I was in the 8th grade (who is also named Abby). I will have the opportunity to make more friends and build a closer relationship with my sisters. I will be taking different classes, and I will still have classes with a few close friends I have made. I will have different teachers. I will get to eat the hella ranch in Brough more since I live closer. I’ll get to have a little!! It’s just that despite all of these exciting things, I have a sense of dread knowing that I might lose friends that mean so much to me now. I also know that there is a chance I will be left out of things. I already have the worst FOMO (this term stands for fear of missing out) of anyone I have ever met, so this can’t be good for my health.

I don’t know how I will make it through this transition, but I do hope that I won’t feel this way about each new year throughout the rest of my college career.

-Mallory

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